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From bathhouses to bars, sex parties to saunas, even to parks and bathrooms. Gay guys have found a way to find each other, even before Grindr. And a homosexual hot spot was born. Sure, language and traditions, and weird family quirks are passed down. But this big part of our lives and identities, how we love and relate to each other and even form families, were cut off from this big part of our history.
And when I was in my twenties, and perpetually single, casual sex was the only type of sex that I was having. So I set out to learn a bit more about the ways in which, gay and bi guys have related to each other in the past…. The Vere Street Coterie, were a group of men, arrested at a molly house, a place for homosexual men to meet each other for friendship and sex, on Vere Street in London. Six men were convicted of attempted sodomy and pilloried, where angry and violent crowds threw rotten fish, dead cats, and more at them.
Even with threats of violence. In America, gay and bi men turn to parks, pubs, backrooms, bathhouses, bathrooms, theatres, and more. Where a wink, a look, a nod, maybe a crotch grab, was how you figured out if someone was interested in you. Gay and bi men used colored handkerchiefs to signal their interests. Top, bottom, oral, and more. At the West Side Highway, along the piers, guys would pile into tractor trailer trucks that had recently been emptied of all the contents and orgies in the pitch blackness of these trucks at nighttime would ensue.
From The Rambles in Central Park, to the Meat Rack on Fire Island, to countless forgotten parks and truck stops and beach bathrooms, gay and bi men have found ways to find each other. With just the right look, nod, words, without attracting the attention of unsuspecting straight folks.
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Bathhouses came under attack. Sex with strangers became seen as riskier- -though you could also get AIDS from your long term partner without either of you knowing it. A judgemental, homophobic society labeled gay sex as the problem, which leads to AIDS. But gay and bisexual men refused to be defeated again and turned to the places that we used to turn to for cruising into places of fundraising, organizing, and healthcare.
We would stop chatting with friends or stop dancing with friends to scan the room and see if anyone caught our eye. Without the ability to swipe left or right we had to find more subtle ways of figuring out who was interested. It was a dance. A sexy, sometimes satisfying, sometimes depressing dance. Today, much of that culture lives on.
It just takes a different shape. There are still bathhouses and clubs and parks, where you can go to meet guys for a quick fling. I live in West Hollywood these days, and just down the street from me is the historic Studs Theatre.